Stoicism: How to Control Your Emotions the Stoic Way
Stoicism: How to Control Your Emotions the Stoic Way
Seneca Quote I
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October 5, 2021Stoicism: An ancient philosophy in a modern world
By 301 BC, Athenians could find Zeno of Citium, the founder of Stoicism, teaching philosophy to his followers at the decorated colonnades of Stoa Pokike. Stoicism adopted the moral ideas of the cynics, striving to reach eudaimonia, typically translated as happiness, by living a life of virtue in accordance with nature. The 4 Stoic virtues are wisdom, justice, courage, and temperance.
Stoicism grew in popularity during the Hellenistic period and continued to expand its influence through the Roman era. Furthermore, Neostoicism and Modern Stoicism revived the philosophy in the renaissance and the end of the 20th century. Stoicism continues to flourish in the 21st century because it provides a practical approach to self-discipline and mastery over oneself. It’s not difficult to find someone who practices the principles of this ancient philosophy today.
The Stoic view on emotions
To understand the Stoic view on emotions, we must first separate them into two categories, the good and the bad.
Bad emotions: Passions
Passions are disturbances in our minds. Stoics define these emotions as an excessive impulse, an impulse contrary to reason, or a feeling based on a false judgment or opinion. The Stoics organized the passions into four categories, but they can be broken down further by their respective varieties. The passions are:
Distress
Distress is an impulse towards some present thing regarded as evil. When experiencing distress, you are forming an unreasonable opinion about your present circumstance.
Varieties: jealousy, anxiety, depression
Fear
Fear is one of the most relatable of passions. When you experience fear, you’re reacting to an expectant evil or have an irrational avoidance of potential danger.
Varieties: sluggishness, timidity, consternation
Lust
We often use this term in a sexual context, but it’s best to think of lust as appetite. You irrationally judge something as good and possess an excessive desire to satisfy this appetite.
Varieties: anger, greed, longing
Delight
Delight doesn’t sound too bad. Everyone should strive to be delighted as often as possible, right? Unfortunately, that is not the case. Delight is the irrational opinion about some present thing regarded as good. It would be best if you avoided this excessive feeling of elation after acquiring some coveted object.
Varieties: malice, rapture, ostentation
Good emotions: Eupatheia
Eupatheia, literally the good passions, are the good feelings, rational impulses, and emotions based on correct judgments. They are the counterparts of the passions: fear, lust, and delight.
Joy
The contrast of delight would be joy, the positive feelings when presently experiencing a genuine good. You avoid the passion of delight by rationally judging the object of your joy as something deserving of this emotion.
Varieties: good spirits, cheerfulness, enjoyment
Caution
Instead of possessing an irrational fear toward some future event, Stoics advocate caution. If you practice caution, you make an accurate judgment about some future event and proceed with prudence.
Varieties: respect, moral shame, sanctity
Wish
There is a thin line between our understanding of desire and wish. Seeking contentment through the acquisition of some irrationally coveted object is an appetite. Aspiring toward some genuine good in the future is a wish.
Varieties: goodwill, contentment, love
Applying Stoic principles to your life
Now that we have established a common language, the goals of an ideal Stoic are clear. But how are you supposed to apply this to your life in the modern world? Here are some stoic resolutions to common scenarios you may find yourself in:
Anger
You agreed to meet a friend for lunch, but they’re late. You’re standing at the hostess stand by yourself for more than 30 minutes before you notice them strolling over with a coffee in hand. That strong feeling of displeasure and annoyance is undoubtedly your anger revealing itself.
Anger is detrimental to one’s moral character, and the Stoics believed that anger does more harm to us than good. As in, the consequences of anger are more harmful than the circumstances that caused them. Assume you allow your anger to carry over through the lunch date, and the happy reunion has turned sour, or worse, a big fight ensues. In this example, holding on to the anger doesn’t benefit you anyway, so why not let it go? If you deem it necessary to seek resolution, discuss your friend’s lateness with calmness and civility. Anger will not help you in fixing the situation. So the moment you feel the familiar sensations of anger brewing, reject them immediately and address your circumstances with a clear mind.
“Keep in mind that it isn’t the one who has it in for you and takes a swipe that harms you, but rather the harm comes from your own belief about the abuse. So when someone arouses your anger, know that it’s really your own opinion fueling it. Instead, make it your first response not to be carried away by such impressions, for with time and distance self-mastery is more easily achieved.” — Epictetus
Jealousy
Your spouse is super excited to meet up with some old college friends. A few hours before the gathering, your spouse finds out that their college sweetheart, “the one that got away,” will be there. You watch as your spouse walks out the door, and then the passions hit. Yes, that unpleasant emotion you may feel is jealousy, a fear of losing or being separated from something you wish to possess to another. The Stoics advise against obsessing over external things. Seeking contentment from acquiring or possessing a person or thing will undoubtedly cause you distress.
Another strong Stoic concept is controlling what is in your ability to control. You can control your thoughts, opinions, and actions but not that of others. Suppose your spouse has lingering emotions or their ex makes advances at the gathering. These are external to yourself and not in your control. Therefore, you shouldn’t expend energy worrying about these possible scenarios.
Eliminating the fear of loss is easier said than done. No one wants to lose their spouse, but maintaining a constant fear that it will happen will cause you distress and only hinder you in life. Face future events as they come with calm rather than stressing over the negative possibilities that may pass. It’s okay to wish for genuinely good things to happen, but be content if they don’t.
“Do not seek for things to happen as you would ideally have them: rather, wish for them to happen as they are, and your life will be tranquil.” — Epictetus
Fear
Your best friend set a date for his marriage, and unsurprisingly you’re asked to be the best man. Buying tuxedos and enjoying the bachelor party are relatively pleasant experiences, but there is one thing looming that causes you consternation—the best man’s speech. You begin to experience negative feelings about whether you’ll be able to deliver your speech without making a complete fool of yourself. While these emotions may be natural, they are irrational, and you should strive to overcome them.
A good practice is to truly imagine the worst that can happen when giving this speech. Instead of a terrifying cloud of ambiguity, you identify what about this speech you are most afraid of and then make preparations to prevent them from happening. Are you worried about not having enough to say? Write out the speech well before the wedding and ensure the content is enough to cover what you want. Are you concerned about freezing while speaking? Take time to practice your delivery before loved ones, then work up to a larger group to build confidence. Ultimately, you want to understand, prepare for, and practice overcoming your fears so that future circumstances don’t hinder you.
“We are more often frightened than hurt; and we suffer more from imagination than from reality.” – Seneca
Check out our Conquer Fear page for methods to overcome your phobias.
Final thoughts
Stoicism is not for everyone, but everyone can benefit from their tenets when facing life’s adversities. Thankfully, the modern popularity of Stoicism has led to an abundance of resources that will guide you on how to live like a stoic. Dailystoic.com is one of our favorite sites that cover all things about Stoicism. From general information about the ancient philosophy to exercises and practices that will enable you to incorporate Stoicism into your daily life. Like all schools of thought, do your research and take what’s applicable to live the best life you can live.
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